silent jean

Luke 2:19 ~ But Mary (the mother of Jesus) treasured all these words and pondered them in her heart.

Ecclesiastes 3:7b ~ …. a time to keep silence and a time to speak ….

I talk too much. I am one to process my thoughts aloud. This Advent season, I am suddenly aware of how much unnecessary junk I say.

Jean, be quiet.


rejected me
Myself, age 16

I have experienced rejection in my life (haven’t we all?).

When I was young, it was because I was too holy, too elitist and too serious (don’t many of us try to please our teachers at an early age?).

Now any rejection I experience is because I am too liberal, too free and too tolerant.

I have the comfort of knowing they are rejecting the authentic me.

better me
Me now





You left us so suddenly last week.

I was your mother’s pastor several years ago. She was 100 years old. You were so attentive to her and always called her Mommy.

One distressed day, I asked you to bless me. Your eyes widened. Then you simply touched my forehead with your forehead.

I did not realize until now, what a Muse you were for me when I play keyboard for worship at church and for the choir. Your tenor voice was our gift.

I wish I had told you sooner.


The Secret . . .

temple in cave in Thailand
Temple in a Cave in Thailand ~ internet photo. Thank you, anonymous photographer.


So, what is the secret to life?

I have dwelled in the moment, counted my blessings, trusted, surrendered, waited, viewed everything as nothing, become Nothing, thought, refrained from thought in meditation, done, been, believed, confessed and repented.

Now — I am what I am.

I give up.

Not really.

The heart wants what the heart wants.